I love this quote. It sort of surprises me that I am coming up on ten years clean and still have to work so hard at loving myself. In some respects I feel like I’ve grown leaps and bounds in loving myself, yet there are days where I feel like I am back at square one and I can treat myself worse than anyone else ever could. If I really look back though – back to day one – I can see the miracle I’ve become.
This year has definitely been the year to reap the rewards of my recovery. In the past year I have gotten married, gotten pregnant, lost a baby, moved into a home with my daughter and husband, left my job and I did not use. I have been dealing with my daughter’s emotional difficulties while trying to heal and become whole. I did not use. I used to have a reservation that on my wedding day, I would drink. I had no desire. Using is just a symptom of the disease. It’s my thoughts, it’s my coping mechanisms (or lack of), it’s communication with people, it’s disappointments, hurts, heartaches. How do I deal with these things and not use? One day at a time, through meetings, constant contact with my support group and sponsor, prayer, meditation, and a Higher Power.